A Top Ten Memoir: 1982 - "You can have anything that you desire..."
While Paula, Michelle, and Mauro were a year younger than me and still in high school, I continued to see them pretty regularly since I commuting back and forth into Chicago for my college classes. I needed a job though to support my going out needs. Early in the year I saw an ad in the university’s newspaper looking for students to serve as Student Orientation Leaders (or SOLs) that summer. I was the first one to arrive at the information session and met Mary, an Assistant Dean of Student Affairs, who was running the program. I told her how I’d been so impressed by what my SOL had done when I was first going through orientation the year before. The experience had made me feel connected to and looking forward to my time at UICC. I immediately bonded with Mary and knew she’d be someone I’d want to work for.
That Spring I was hired and went through a training session to become an orientation leader. I found the group to be happily diverse, something I was already becoming quite fond of regarding the entire university in general. There were Muslims, Hispanics, African-Americans, and Caucasians. We became quite close rather quickly.
By the summer, in addition to our work as SOLs, giving campus tours, assisting with course registration, and engaging in small talk, we’d go to Cubs games, White Sox games, and Chicago Sting soccer games. It was great fun. I became particularly close friends with Bernie, Gale, Neal, and Dave G. We’d go out for Greek food in nearby Greek Town and have pizza at Papa Charlie’s and Giordano’s and spend our time talking about movies and music. Neal was also into Woody Allen so we saw Zelig together and would joke about anyone looking like Allen on the streets to be yet another “Zelig” character. He was also into the progressive rock group Yes and would try to educate the rest of us about their greatness. I was still into a lot of pop music though…
I loved my walks to the train station from UIC with Gale and Bernie. They were great sports accompanying me for the 20-minute walk. Occasionally I’d get stuck at the station waiting for the last train as a lonely older gentleman would come out of the restroom singing “Never had a dream come true…” They loved my stories about the interesting people at the Northwestern Station. It didn’t matter to me that I’d be getting home at 1:30 or 2 AM, I was having a great time with a solid group of new friends.
My Top Ten of 1982:
1. Hold Me – Fleetwood Mac
2. You Should Hear How She Talks About You – Melissa Manchester
3. Maneater – Daryl Hall & John Oates
4. Don’t You Want Me – The Human League
5. Don’t Talk to Strangers – Rick Springfield
6. You Can Do Magic – America
7. Let it Whip – Dazz Band
8. Ebony and Ivory – Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder
9. Gypsy – Fleetwood Mac
10. The Other Woman – Ray Parker Jr.
Fleetwood Mac’s Mirage album was particularly big for me that year, especially the first two singles, Hold Me and Gypsy. They were perfectly crafted pop songs by a group that had already been a staple in my music catalogue for over six years by this point.
On the newer side, The Human League’s Don’t You Want Me also became a big hit with its new wave, synthesized sound, and unbeatable verse and chorus which proved great fun to sing along with. My friend Marlee and I would have a fun time with this one.
Rick Springfield returned to the charts with another big hit, Don’t Talk to Strangers which was also imminently catchy and filled with Springfield’s sexy vocals. Later in the year, Daryl Hall and John Oates had another monster hit with Maneater which also proved to hit all the right buttons as a pop tune. (Though when I first heard it, I thought Daryl Hall was singing “My-Aida.” Don’t ask me why…)
As the summer orientation season continued, I’d make cassette tapes of some of my favorite songs of the year and play it over the speakers for all of the incoming students as they waited for orientation to begin. I loved the idea of playing DJ! The tape included Melissa Manchester’s big pop/dance hit You Should Hear How She Talks About You
and Fleetwood Mac’s Hold Me.
Who doesn’t want to be talked about and held?! Truthfully, I felt incredible love by yet another great group of people who were wonderfully accepting, energetic, and fun to be around. I embraced the work of helping students, developing friendships, and using skills I would use on jobs from that point forward. I learned how to engage in small talk and to be a leader. Touring students around the campus was, to this day, one of the best jobs I ever had. I loved every minute of it. I got to be “on.” (Remember, I used to love dancing in front of my mother’s home movie camera!) I got to feel important. While I wasn’t making a ton of money and still commuting from Palatine each day, I learned so much from that experience.
By Fall, Bernie, Gale, and I decided to get more involved in student affairs and student activities. Mary invited us to work in her office, Student Affairs, where we got to know other Deans and show off our knowledge about the university. There we also met Ron, who was a psychology student and member of the Navy who worked in the Veteran’s Affairs Office down the hall. We had great times while working answering phone calls and laughing at whoever ended up having to create copies using the ink-filled mimeograph machine. Ron quickly became part of our circle and proved to be a great friend to ponder all sorts of things about life. (The secretary in his office, Doris, would shake her head every time she walked by and we were engaged in some deep conversation theorizing about life and relationships.)
Bernie, Gale, and I also decided to try out for the Circle Center Board. We were interviewed by the student chairperson, Pat, who was a big, jolly guy that seemed to know everyone in the student union or CCC (Chicago Circle Center.) In particular, Pat was involved with Circle Center Productions, which booked musical acts and film series throughout the CCC. Given my background, being a part of this group was a clear no-brainer. Soon, I became a very active member of the group and assisted with programming all of those activities. Also on the board were people I became good friends with such as Mike, Ken, and a young woman named Sue who was lively, opinionated, and very funny. She’d be regularly late to meetings but always had some good excuses which we found endearing.
Back home, during the summer months Marlee, and another high school friend Liz and I spent a lot of time together. We’d sing songs onto my cassette player as “Dan & the Harmonettes” while enjoying the big duet from Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, Ebony and Ivory. We would drive up to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin to dance at one of the clubs, usually preferring a place called Olive Oil’s. They played all the great dance/pop hits of the day. In particular, we enjoyed dancing to the Dazz Band’s Let it Whip, and Ray Parker Jr’s The Other Woman.
Both Marlee and Liz were my dates for my sister’s first wedding in ’82.
At the end of the night, while arriving back to Marlee’s car, I surprisingly planted a big, extended kiss on her lips. I’m not sure if it was the alcohol or what but I found Marlee very sweet and a lot of fun. She was still dating my high school friend Mike, and living with him during the academic year in Omaha, Nebraska where they had both decided to go to college. Later that Fall, Mike found out about the kiss through our mutual friend Tony and vowed never to speak to me again. This was probably a fair solution.
Truth was, I didn’t know what my feelings were for males or females. While I had come out to John, Michelle, and Paula, I still thought I had some feelings for girls. It seemed the natural thing I was supposed to feel at the time. Tony had found a girlfriend, Kathy, and moved with her to Clearwater, Florida. It was a sad day when he left as we had become very close in a short period of time. By the end of the year, my mother and I flew down to Florida to visit not only Tony but also my mother’s sister Bernice. I stayed for a couple of days with Tony and Kathy, who were trying to set me up with one of their female friends. Kathy and I were particularly fond of America’s song You Can Do Magic and would sing it at the top of our lungs whenever it came on the radio: “You can do magic. You can have anything that you desire!” This seemed like an invitation to grow and experience new things as a young adult.
During one of those nights in Florida, I went out with my mom and Aunt Bernice to a country bar where the DJ played Willie Nelson’s Always on my Mind. I don’t know if it was the song, the beer, or just feeling lonely being out on a Saturday night with my mom and aunt but I started crying in the bar. This lasted all the way through the car ride home. I remember thinking about Paula. There was a part of me that really connected to her sweetness and warmth. Was I in love with her? Was I just realizing this? I didn’t really know. When we got back to Aunt Bernice’s house, I cried myself to sleep. The next morning my aunt showed me a National Enquirer article with the title, Warren Beatty’s Tush. The article was filled with shots of the famous actor’s behind. Upon Aunt Bernice giving me the paper, my mother said, “Bern! He’s not interested in that! I know him!” Aunt Bernice must have seen something in me that suggested I was in need of love – by a man. She had worked in restaurants for most of her life, so perhaps she had encountered other gays by that time. She obviously felt close to me at the moment. She would then write up a will that said I’d inherit some of her modest estate when she died.
About a year later, she did pass away but that will was not found. My cousin Myles inherited everything which angered my mother so much she vowed never to speak to her sister, my Aunt Therese, again. True to form on the Grabowski side of my family, where grudges were often held for long periods of time, she never did.
I was 19, growing, and learning a lot about myself but just as confused as ever.
Links to my Top Ten of 1982:
Other favorites from 1982:
Somebody’s Baby - Jackson Browne, Gloria - Laura Branigan, Voyeur - Kim Carnes, It’s Gonna Take a Miracle - Deniece Williams, Man on Your Mind - Little River Band, Tug of War - Paul McCartney, Landslide - Olivia Newton-John, Who Can it Be Now? -Men at Work, Our Lips Are Sealed - The Go-Go’s, Tainted Love - Soft Cell, Working For the Weekend - Loverboy, Since You’re Gone - The Cars, Missing You - Dan Fogelberg, Somebody Who Cares - Paul McCartney
What were your favorites of ‘82?
Next Up…1983…”We’re going to party, fiesta, forever…”
1982 was also a really good music year for me. So much so that my Top 10 listed below has 15 songs in it.
In sort of chronological order
EDGE OF 17-Stevie Nicks
JUKE BOX HERO-Foreigner
JUST CAN’T WIN ‘EM ALL-Stevie Woods
GENIUS OF LOVE-Tom Tom Club
CIRCLES-Atlantic Starr
ONLY THE LONELY-The Motels
PERSONALLY-Karla Bonoff
YOU CAN DO MAGIC-America
EYE OF THE TIGER-Survivor
NICE GIRLS-Eye to Eye
SOMEBODY’S BABY-Jackson Browne
HOLD ON-Santana
GLORIA-Laura Branigan
YOU DROPPED A BOMB ON ME-Gap Band
THE LOOK OF LOVE -ABC
A good year for you, that’s for sure. Shows the value of college which can connect you to like minded people. Again, I’ve met virtually everyone in this year’s entry and like them all. You were lucky or else knew how to gravitate to the right people.