A Top Ten Memoir: 2008 - "Walking into a Wildfire, Running into the Rain”
To start, a diverse collection of non-hits made my Top Ten in 2008:
1. Byrdgirl-Matthew Sweet
2. Everybody's Jesus-AM
3. Deviant Ingredient-The B-52s
4. Give It 2 Me-Madonna
5. Chances Are-Robin Danar featuring Inara George
6. Beat Goes On-Madonna & Kanye West
7. Worrisome Heart-Melody Gardot
8. Void-The Mary Onettes
9. I Don't Need No Doctor-John Mayer
10. Daisychain-Matthew Sweet
While I had a number of new, adventurous experiences in 2008, it seems a bit ironic that my Top Ten was filled with so many familiar artists who had, in cases such as Matthew Sweet, Madonna, and the B-52s, made my Top Ten many times before. Was I merging the familiar with the unfamiliar? Was I finding comfort in the “friendship” I felt toward my favorite artists while venturing in new directions? In retrospect, it’s hard to say. Looking at this list of songs though, it’s pretty clear my tastes were varying wildly: from the 90s sounding alternative rock of Matthew Sweet, to the party music of early 90s B-52s, the bluesy sounds of John Mayer’s I Don’t Need No Doctor, the 80s sounds of the Mary Onettes Void, the early 00s jazz influenced music of Robin Danar and Melody Gardot, and even 80s pop and 00s hip hop in a pair of Madonna songs.
So, what gives?? Teaching was going great. I taught my first graduate level course at DePaul, this one on New Media and Society. I had some pretty great experiences at the Chicago International Film Festival where I met director Danny Boyle among others.
Frank and I took a trip out to Santa Fe, New Mexico for the first time and enjoyed some spa treatments and art shopping.
Frank put together a really great video of our annual Broadway Bound trip which features stills from the shows we saw, celebs we met (including Morgan Freeman, Mark Rylance, and Kathryn Hahn), and the many people who attended with us.
Perhaps the greatest new adventure was taking our first cruise, this one to the Caribbean, with our friends, Pat, Butch, Don, and John Michael (my former hairdresser.) I had resisted such trips in the past for fear of having another “rough seas” experience in the water as we did earlier in the decade while taking the ferry from Boston to Provincetown. However, I was told that doctor prescribed patches existed which calmed motion sickness and I really wanted to be with this group. So, I took my chances and all went well, even as we faced one enormous storm at sea that had the ship rocking from side to side and from front to back! Handling that one, I knew more cruises would be part of my future.
Still, that cruise also proved to be stressful in the friendship realm. Throughout the year, Frank and I were enjoying many amazing good times with our gay friends, particularly Butch and Don, Jim and Loren, Lee and Rob, Paul and Jaime, and, of course, Pat. The fact that so many of these guys were fun and attractive made all of the experiences, from Pride Day to the Out at the Cubs Game, Andersonville Midsummer Fest, Halsted Market Days, and renting a house in Galena - truly thrilling times. There was always plenty of drinking and cavorting as hormone levels continued to soar for most of us in our forties.
During one of those events, Halsted Market Days, one of the guys mentioned that there were several friends within our even larger group of gay friends that were part of an “underground” of guys getting together even though they were mostly “married” to other men. It was a shocking yet eye-opening moment for me in many regards. It was at this point when I heard the new version of Chances Are that Robin Danar released with Inara George singing the lead. It was a beautiful romantic recording that lent itself to some great fantasizing. Of course, a lot of this left me a fair amount of confused anxiety as expressed in Melody Gardot’s very Norah Jones-like Worrisome Heart where she’s searching for a “modern day dane.”
It all felt very deviant. Perhaps that’s what made the B-52s song Deviant Ingredient such a special track as the band explored, like we often were, the effects of traveling on that alcohol driven “martini mile” we often found ourselves on.
When we took the cruise in December, we were surrounded by about 2000 other gay men. To say it was like being in a kid in a candy store would be an underestimate. Once again, all of these adult men were cavorting in their speedo’s coming on to other men. Frank and I both, separately, had our own “stalkers” that were clearly interested in us. We both acknowledged it and moved on. But it was the behavior of Butch and Don that really surprised me. Previously expressing that they didn’t get involved with people outside of their relationship, I was shocked to find them both meeting up with other men privately in one of the many “secret” spots on the cruise ship and off. Needless to say, once the trip was over, so was their relationship, after some twenty years together.
What all of this taught me was that I was capable of, as Matthew Sweet sang in Byrdgirl, “walking into the wildfire, running into the rain.” I was exploring many things in my life that were new, exciting, and perhaps even dangerous. For what it’s worth, that line from the song was probably what propelled it to become my number one that year. Of course, the fact that this song and Daisychain were both quintessential Matthew Sweet songs didn’t hurt their chances in my end of year rankings. The lyrical significance also helped. (By the way, it’s my only number one song NOT on Spotify!)
The Mary Onette’s Void sounded so much like the new wave/alternative music so commonly heard on Chicago’s WXRT in the mid to late 80s that it also was destined to be one of my Top Ten that year even without a lot of lyrical connection to my life. I liked its sound, production, and youthful energy.
And what of the rest of those songs? Well, Madonna was always a given in years when much of my social time was spent with the boys. Look back at 1984, 85, 98, and 99 and that will become pretty clear. Plus, Give it To Me and Beat Goes On, at this point, sounded like almost retro Madonna pop songs that made this 44 year old man feel like I was in my twenties again but without all of the self-esteem issues! I was free to be who I really wanted to be.
The outliers here may have been the tunes by John Mayer and AM. Mayer’s version of I Don’t Need No Doctor though was steeped in the blues tradition which I often encountered during the 80s when hanging out in various clubs with my straight college friends. Mayer’s incredible guitar work on this one really made it stand out though.
AM was becoming my new favorite male artist. His album that year, Soul Variations, was my top album. The track Everybody’s Jesus not only had a great melody and a vocal but also an interesting lyric:
“You're reaching out for the loneliest hand
The friend that you want to make
You always mention the people you know
Don't you know there's a time and place
You walk along and hope they will follow
Comfort is the voice you bring
You just pretend that you're part of the plan
Till you get everything you need
You want to own all the hands that you hold
You're telling' stories that you've already told
But you care
Yeah you care”
Perhaps this summed up my feelings more than other lyrics did in 2008. I continued to seek love and approval from students, colleagues, and friends. I wanted their hands and hearts but then I guess, you can’t be Everybody’s Jesus and that, I found, was certainly true. Years later I contributed to AM’s Kickstarter campaign and donated just enough money to get his handwritten lyrics to that song.
Links to my Top Ten of 2008:
Spotify (Doesn’t include either Matthew Sweet song)
Other favorites from 2008:
Stop - AM, I’m Over My Head - Taylor Dayne, Nighttiming - Coconut Records, Lights & Music - Cut Copy, Little Tornado - Aimee Mann, Too Much To Think About - The B-52s, Come Down Now - from “Passing Strange” Original Cast, Columbus Ave. - Aimee Mann, Hot N Cold - Katy Perry, We Will Remain - AM, Won’t Be Long - The Hives
What are some of your favorites from ‘08? Any stories to go along with them?
Love the Broadway video!
Whoa, that John Mayer performance was great!
I also loved the Melody Gardot song.
The cruise ship story was fun to read. So much going on in your life!