A Top Ten Memoir: 2022 - "Take a drink in the whiskey, moved on to the rainbow..."
The year began with Frank and I spending our first extended trip in Palm Springs. Having arrived in late December, the plan was to stay through January in a house rental with three bedrooms and an outdoor pool. It was glorious. Blue skies, palm trees, friends nearby – why would we want to spend that time in the dreary Winter of Chicago?
My Top Ten of 2022:
1. End of Night – Tears for Fears
2. No Time for Toxic People – Imagine Dragons
3. On Sunset – Paul Weller
4. Bombibidy - Kakkmaddafakka
5. Night Moves - Lissie
6. Shoulders – My Kid Brother
7. Wage Slave – Kakkmaddafakka
8. This Car Drives All by Itself – The Wombats
9. Don’t Poke the Bear – The Wombats
10. Sex – Fuller
That first part of the year I was only teaching one course at DePaul: an online only Foundations of Cinema course for non-majors. I was able to do that all from Palm Springs. It meant a lot of free time to take in the beauty found in Southern California. A couple of years earlier fellow Top Tenner Mary Carol had the song On Sunset by Paul Weller in her Top Ten. I didn’t know it at the time and was bummed that she hadn’t shared it earlier because it could have made mine! In late 2021, however, Weller released a new album that featured remakes of many of his songs with Jules Buckley and the BBC Symphony Orchestra. On Sunset was one of those songs and it quickly became THE defining song of my time in Palm Springs. I’d listen to it and just revel in the beauty of that small city with its palm trees swaying in the wind. I was so in love with my time there that I decided to extend my trip into the first weeks of February even though Frank was going home to judge speech tournaments. This became an extremely emotional period for me.
After we moved out of the house we were renting, I found a small casita in town where I could stay for a few days before a road trip to Los Angeles and then San Diego where I planned to end my trip. Again, I found myself loving the entire region, especially the beaches along Mission Bay and the Pacific. Paul Weller’s song continued to accompany me on my adventure. Because the song in part looks back at a period of time, it reminded me also of my various trips over the years there with my family, Tony, and Ron.
“I was gonna say hi
But no one there
There's me forgetting
Just how long it's been
And the palm trees sway
As a warm breeze blew
And the sun was high
On Sunset
And the world I knew
Has all gone by
All the places we used to go
Belong to a time
Someone else's life
Another time
No long goodbyes
I have no point to prove
Take a drink in the Whiskey
Moved on to the Rainbow”
In addition to my fond memories of trips there in the past these bittersweet lyrics partially reflected what I was experiencing being there without Frank. As soon as he left I missed him terribly and sat crying in my casita. Shit! I don’t like traveling alone! But I managed to pick myself up and head out to L.A. and San Diego for a couple of weeks. Here is a video I made for that song and that time in Southern California:
Part of that new journey meant taking charge of what I wanted to do without Frank. It meant renting places of my choice, seeing the people I wanted to see, and doing the things I wanted to do. I first rented a casita in Laurel Canyon from a screenwriter. It was a complicated place to get to with winding roads no wider than a Chicago alley and a series of steps that made transporting all that was left over from the Palm Springs house a major challenge. I felt lonely, but got out and toured around Hollywood, met up with our nephew Marc, and had dinner with a few of my DePaul students who were now living and trying to make it in the industry.
Spending time n San Diego allowed me to spend more time with Ron and George. Also my Chicago friends Natalie and Christine came out and we had an amazing day together enjoying the beachfront and sunsets.
As I traveled around, The Wombats’s song This Car Drives All by Itself became yet another reflection of the experience I was having:
“I'm always a mess come the end of the night
Oh, but we keep, keep dancing though we're out of time
Oh, hold on baby, baby, yeah, it's alright, cause this car drives all by itself”
I’d sing along to this song as I made the time in Southern California my own.
While there I also tried an E-bike for the first time and loved it! I had been insisting for a few years that I’d only get such a bike when I felt I could no longer effectively ride a bike without that pedal assist. Well, turning 59 I was finding that a “regular” bike just wasn’t cutting it anymore. I wasn’t enjoying myself as much. It was becoming harder and harder to ride through wind and up hills. Still, until I tried the E-bike, I didn’t know what the experience would be. Once I did, I was sold! When I returned to Wheaton, I immediately ordered the same model I had tried in California and didn’t look back. This new approach to riding allowed me to ride longer and ride on days I wouldn’t have typically gone out on. Even though I never let the bike completely take over (the pedal assist advances only if you choose to add the additional levels of assistance) the Wombats continued to accompany me and I further appreciated the line “this car drives all by itself.”
When I returned back to Wheaton in mid-February I had a few weeks left until the next quarter started at DePaul when I’d be back on campus for ten weeks. I was a bit apprehensive about returning but once I did I found being in rooms full of students mostly enjoyable and stimulating.
Kakkmaddafakka released a great new album during the year and two of its songs accompanied me on my various trips into the city. Bombibidy sounded unlike any of the other songs the group had recorded. It’s reggae-tinged and features a narrative in which the lead singer expresses getting caught with marijuana while driving into Germany. I tried THC/CBD more that year than I had in decades – not to an extreme, but definitely more than I had. Now that it was legal in Illinois and California it seemed like the right time to give it a try.
Frank and I also took a trip that summer with Jeff and Lauren out to the Pacific Northwest, in part to see my sister and Alan and also Ron and George. The latter now spent the warmer months in the extreme northern part of Washington State in a town called Sequim.
Judy and Alan lived at the extreme opposite end of the state in Vancouver.
Our trip through Washington included a stop to purchase some additional marijuana products. It was one of many fun stops during a very enjoyable trip. Ultimately Bombibidy became a song I could sing along with on my trips to DePaul to get my teaching voice ready…
Wage Slave is about a guy who’s tired of the same routine every day but has figured out he needs to be happy in spite of it all:
“Hey there boys, I'm so happy inside
Fuck you and fuck this life
You can suck my dick if you want to or get out of my way
'Cause I'm happy, happy today”
The lyrics represented what I’d often like to say and I was really appreciating that I wasn’t one of those people constantly stuck in a rut. Plus, I was finding that (surprise!) looking at the bright side was more valuable than some of the darkness I was seeing around me within the attitudes of some of my friends.
While Frank and I continued to enjoy the blossoming relationships with our Wheaton neighbors through many block gatherings, it was friendships with long-time friends that were starting to become turbulent. One of those was with Marlee. She had entrenched herself in the world of downtown Palatine with a slew of new friends and drinking buddies. She even became a bit of a hero participating and running many volunteer activities in town. We weren’t spending much time together but that summer Tom and I decided to attend a Palatine historical walk that Marlee had organized. Perhaps it was the stress she was under but I didn’t feel as though Marlee wanted us there. I had given up a Sunday afternoon to do this and didn’t feel appreciated. I ended up leaving before the final festivities were completed. Later she wasn’t participating in the now monthly Top Ten song list reveals that some of us were doing on Facebook. Her music was getting darker, louder, and more rebellious than ever. Still, I attempted to listen to all I could. When I felt that she wasn’t connecting with me on music, I decided to pull away and focus my energies towards offering those monthly lists to Top Ten friends Jeff and Patrick. Marlee never questioned me about it. Instead a new silence brewed.
A few months later Tom and I had a big fight over things I had said which, unfortunately, were said during some whiskey drinking moments. There was also an issue between he and Frank. Tom shut down. Clearly there was a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding going on. Frankly, this was something that was happening to me a lot with various friends including Jim and Loren and Pat. As a result, certain songs were resonating with me that reflected some of the interpersonal struggles I was dealing with.
The Wombats’ second song in my Top Ten (ironically, it was Marlee who turned me on to the band), Don’t Poke the Bear, was particularly relevant. I love the line: “Don't want to cause any trouble, don't want to poke the bear in the zoo.” It’s such a simple idea yet one that sometimes hits at just the right time. Some of these situations felt better if avoided. Poking at them and having a major blow out seemed like a lot of work when there were people in my life that didn’t come with as much baggage. I’d grown tired of those situations with people. There were plenty of great people in my life that didn’t require such explosive moments. Then again, perhaps I was the cause at times. I had my moments where I became that explosion. It wasn’t pretty! I guess the key is to sometimes leave the bear to quietly get over whatever issues they are having then to poke and prod them.
Shoulders by My Kid Brother featured other relevant lyrics for me that year. Specifically, it captured the feeling of being left out and left behind. Am I part of a group or do I matter as an individual to some of the people in my life? How many truly want to take the time to get to know what’s going on inside me? I thought, “include me but also recognize me.” These lyrics expressed it pretty well:
“Don't you keep me on the sidelines
Been wasting my time
Take me for a joyride
Bring me along
Now you've got me started
We don't go to parties
We don't even hardly take time to talk
You don't know me at all”
This one felt a bit addressed toward Pat and Tom who were very good friends but were spending time with other people (even together without Frank and I) and it hurt. Again, I acknowledge that it wasn’t only them causing my internal strife. My own anxiety and perhaps a bit too much drinking was contributing to the sourness they might have felt toward me.
Imagine Dragons released No Time for Toxic People and I think the title of the song says it all. Life is too short to be around people who bring toxicity to a relationship. In 2022, I really chose who I wanted to spend time with focusing on those that brought me positivity, acknowledgement, respect, and love. All of the lyrics were relevant to me:
“So spend your hours on what you think I've done wrong
I know I'm in your mind, I've been here way too long
I want to spend my life with those who's done me right
Your heart is frozen over, I'm a four-leaf clover
Take a look outside, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy”
The key for me was to try to focus on the beauty rather than the darkness around me. Maybe I wasn’t taking responsibility for my own actions and words but it just felt like the right thing to do.
Sometimes it also felt right to just escape into the past or into a fantasy. Lissie released Night Moves, which featured a great production and vocal that easily reminded me of Stevie Nicks. The song is about remembering someone from the past and the feelings they conjure up. Are these all part of a fantasy? Sometimes it’s hard to tell:
“The way the wine flows
And the music plays
So many worlds out there, tryin' to cut through
So many lives I've spent looking for you
The way the night moves, oh oh
It makes me think of you, oh oh
Was it ever true? Oh oh
Or was it just a dream? (A fantasy)”
These lyrics have felt relevant to me for as long as I can remember. Generally my Top Ten songs conjure up so many feelings, some imagined, some quite real.
Interestingly, the song Sex by Fuller is less about imagined experiences and more about individual sex lives. What I love about the lyrics is how they invert the importance of sex:
“I know that ya want it but ya just can't have it
And I know that you need it cause you never quit askin'
I know you won't believe me but I gotta get you outta my bed
Cause I gotta get you outta my head” and “it’s only sex, don’t let it get you down”
I’ve known a lot of people who place more importance on sex than in developing real relationships and letting love happen first. I’ve certainly learned that sex isn’t everything – and perhaps not even that important to me.
Finally, there was my number one song of the year: End of Night by Tears for Fears. The group, which had their earliest success in the 1980s, had never made my Top Ten before 2022. During the 80s I felt a lot of their songs were overplayed. However, I began to really appreciate their sound soon after their heyday had passed. There is an incredible energy and production to so many of their best songs. I miss that in a lot of contemporary rock/pop music. Couple that with some great lyrics and vocals and you have what became my longest running number one song (on my weekly lists) of all time (tied with Cher’s Believe.) In End of Night, the focus is on turning darkness to light, sorrow to joy. Death and the pandemic in the previous few years really required me to focus on the gifts I do have. Frank, friends, neighbors, good times, passions, art, the WGN Morning News… all of it brings joy to my life and helps to keep me out of my own darkness. Tears for Fears managed to transcend all of their own dark times and created a song (and album) which offered its own mature insights into how to perceive the world today while also remaining eternally youthful sounding – a nice callback to the band’s large presence everywhere when we were all much younger. Turn your world around with their sound!
“No need to worry about the world (about the world)
You can't see the beauty for all the hurt (for all the hurt)
Turn the world around (oh-oh-oh-oh)
Blind them with your sound
'Cause it's the end of night”
Perhaps the song would signal a sense of renewal for me. As the year ended, Frank and I returned for another extended winter in Palm Springs where light, sun, and joy could possibly overcome the darkness of the pandemic and some fractured relationships at home.
Links to my Top Ten of 2022:
Other favorites from 2022:
Chapstick - COIN, Holding Pattern - Harvey Sutherland, Night Sweats - Findlay, Music For a Sushi Restaurant - Harry Styles, Wuthering Heights - Matthew Sweet, When You’re Gone - Shawn Mendes, Something’s Got a Hold of My Heart - Bonnie Raitt, Night Call - Years & Years, Sharks - Imagine Dragons, Touch - St. Lucia
What did you 2022 look/sound like?
Really enjoying these, Dan. Don't want them to end!